Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Is it the job, the boss or ... you?

With apologies to The Clash and punk rockers everywhere, the hit single “Should I Stay or Should I Go” was a generational anthem about making no-win decisions. The song was about romance, but now could easily be about the challenge of if and when to leave a job.

The past two years have generated a lot of conversation about leaving work. There was the pandemic-catalyzed Great Resignation (here is a more nuanced understanding), that became the Great Re-Shuffle, giving way to the more recent and misnamed Quiet Quit, while the context for these conversations continues to be about what exactly is “hybrid work.” These trends name the many valid reasons for leaving a job – exhaustion, new opportunities, reprioritization of values, a move, etc. – but being dissatisfied with your job doesn't have to be one of them.

Understanding what is behind job dissatisfaction – what can or cannot be controlled and changed – can inspire a number of changes to your work circumstances, only one of which is leaving.

So before fantasizing about all the ways to quit, get clarity on why. Are you unhappy because of your role, your boss, or you?

When work is going well, we have opportunities to learn, grow and experience success; strengthening our talents and improving our skills. Yet, when we are unhappy at work, the reasons may not be so clear. It could be boredom, money, stress, the commute, the office, challenging colleagues, the culture or something else. Sometimes the reasons to leave are easy to discern – a personal change like moving, the need for flexible hours, a much better offer doing something you really want someplace else. But what about when those antsy, annoyed or frustrated feelings take hold and the reasons are not so clear? Breaking down the parts of your job and actively reflecting on each will give you insight into where you are dissatisfied and what you can, or cannot do, to change it.

Consider these questions to decide “should I stay or should I go?”

Is it my job? Not infrequently there are gaps between what we understand our job to be, what it is, and what we wish it to be. While gaps are expected, significant misalignment invites further reflection. Get clear on where you are with your role and colleagues by getting out paper and pen and respond to the following:

• How closely do your daily activities align with those detailed in your job description?

• Do you have opportunities to do work that you can be successful at?

• How much time during the day/week are you spending doing both what you like to do and are good at doing?

• How have you grown in your job? Are there areas of new growth you can identify? What are some examples of growth over the past six months?

• What’s the quality of your work relationships?

• Can you be your authentic self at work?

Is it my boss? If, after having actively reflected on the questions specific to your job and find that is not causing your dissatisfaction, consider your manager and how they specifically manage you. There is truth behind the old adage “that people don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses.” To rule this out - or in - consider an active reflection on the following.

• What are some examples of the ways your manager supports your learning and growth?

• Do you get actionable and timely feedback – both what you are doing well and where you can improve – on your performance?

• Would you work again for the same boss at a different organization? Why or why not?

• Does your manager explain that organizational objectives in a way that aligns with your individual goals? Have you achieved the goals you have identified?

Is it me? Is it you? It might be. If the job, your boss, colleagues and culture are all just fine but you still are thinking about leaving, that’s an indicator to take a closer look at your own talents, abilities, challenges and dreams. Actively consider these questions:

• What do you do well? What can you do better? Do you currently have a plan on place to grow and improve?

• Have you found ways to support and learn from others? Did you ask for, give and receive feedback and support?

• If you could change one thing to make your job bearable, or doable, what would it be? Is this indeed possible?

• Are you living a happy life outside of work?

• What would you like to do? What would you need to do to get there?

Being unclear on your reasons for leaving confuses not only your departure but also your ability to discern next steps and new opportunities. Asking yourself the hard questions before someone else does will give you the confidence to make your own decision about whether to stay or go.

Clear on your reasons for leaving? Now get rid of your old self to get a new job before you you make an elegant exit.